Pizza, it has been said, is like sex: Even when it's bad, it's still pretty good. Mexican food, unfortunately, is the opposite. Done well, it is a transcendental experience; done badly, well, you begin to understand why the Aztecs ripped each other's hearts out.

Unfortunately, far too many of our nation's youth have been corrupted by the forces of evil. Chi-Chi's, Pepper's, and (dare I say it?) Taco Bell have all conspired to convince entire generations of suburbanites that Mexican food is some pre-frozen crap that is deep fried, then slathered with cheddar cheese and some tasteless red sauce. We can't really blame the kids for this: after all, anywhere else in the country, taking a girl to the Olive Garden gets you laid, but in New York City, it gets you laughed at. Much like Mexican patriot Miguel Hidalgo, we city slickers have certain demands that must be met, and the first and foremost is decent food.

I was able to lead two of the poor, deluded masses to their eternal salvation at the church of the Taqueria this evening. Located on Amsterdam between 107 and 108 in SoHa (South of Harlem—a neighborhood filled with real Mexicans!), the Taqueria proudly proclaims its nationality with a red, white, and green awning. It's more Mexican than Pancho Villa and Salma Hayek's love child.

The inside of the place is tiny and unprepossessing. Ignore it. You're not here for atmosphere. If you speak Spanish, so much the better, if not, repeat after me: "Un burrito de bistec y un Dos Equis, por favor." If you don't eat meat, say, "Un burrito vegetariano, por favor." Either way, you'll get a tortilla the size of the hubcap of an '86 Oldsmobile stuffed full of fresh, flavorful meat or roasted veggies, plus rice and beans and Lord knows what else, topped with real queso blanco—none of that cheddar cheese crap, gringo—and Mexican crema. While you're waiting for your order, the mesaria will bring you a bowl full of chips—real chips, made from sliced-up tortillas deep-fried in the back room, not those fucking Costco pieces of shit—and three bowls of hot sauce, ranging from tasty to spicy to really fucking hot.

Also, if by chance, you're going to be too busy to eat for the next week and it's breakfast time, turn up at the Taqueria at about 11 and get the huevos mexicanos. You get a huge plate of eggs, beans, rice, salad, plus a side of steamed tortillas. You won't be hungry for a month.

The Taqueria is easily the best Mexican restaurant in New York City. Go early, go often, and bring at least $20 per person—not that they're outrageously expensive, but you're gonna want to drink a lot of beer to cool that fire in your belly.

Bien gustado!

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