"Damn, from these close-ups, I'd say she's on the Callista Flockhart diet," sighed CPU_Thrasher. "She was so much better looking when she had curves."

"Yup, she is getting pretty skinny," agreed Andonbray. "Hip bones jutting out like that just don't do the trick for me. Eat a sandwich and give me an ass to slap, or at least think about slapping."

Indeed, Christina Ricci, once known as the wonderfully weird kid who played Wednesday Addams, and later an indie auteur who has had roles in such films as Buffalo 66, has been appearing less like herself lately. As indicated by the fact that her last name ends with a vowel, Ms. Ricci is of Italian-American extraction, an ethnic group noted for having, in technical terms, "much back." Alas, Hollywood's merciless standards of beauty have apparently caused her to betray her bootielicious ancestry.

For example, the picture above, taken from her 1998 film The Opposite of Sex, once caused the deaths of billions of American sperm, while simultaneously causing Kleenex stocks to skyrocket. However, the photo at the left, taken at a recent Beverly Hills party, shows Ms. Ricci, 22, quite a bit under her usual fighting weight. Alas, her once-luscious curves have, much like confidence in the American economy, dwindled to almost nothing.

"DAMN, Christina needs to quit losing weight. She used to be nice and thick, but her face is starting to look like Skeletor," said a Farker identified only as Epsilon, making a hip reference to the 1980s vintage "He-Man" cartoon. "Christina, put about 10 pounds back on and don't worry about it. We'll still love you."

"She looks like an alien that's had plastic surgery to appear human," marveled renowned California football player/philosopher/time traveler David Hume. Mr. Hume was, of course, referring to the shape of Ms. Ricci's head, which resembles that of the alien Grays from Whitney Streiber's bestseller, "Communion." As the infographic below indicates, Ms. Ricci does look somewhat like an alien—an alien sent from the Planet of the Really Hot Chicks. But then, we ask, is not the freaky forehead part of her weird-bad-girl appeal?

Some have speculated that Ms. Ricci, who is currently dating Orlando "I Dress Up Like an Elf and Am Too Pretty to be Heterosexual" Bloom, has lost significant amounts of weight in order to appear her best in a her first on-camera topless scene. Such a career development, as well as the corresponding desire to be seen as a grown-up sexpot rather than a slightly strange little girl (the "Winona Ryder's career syndrome"), would also explain the transparent dress Ms. Ricci wore to the affair. Other industry observers, however, point out that the title of Ms. Ricci's upcoming film is Prozac Nation, not Heroin Nation. All, however, upon hearing of the nude scene, promptly did a Google search for "Christina Ricci boobies."

No matter what the reasoning, there can be only one conclusion: Christina Ricci needs to eat something. And if she would happen to come to New York, the CORPORATE MOFO staff would gladly take her out to a little Italian place we know...

Fat-bottom girls make your rockin' world go 'round? Send us e-mail at editor@corporatemofo.com