MA:

Lourds: Right now. . . I think I'm at a good place right now, I love the fact that I'm underground. I have this cool cult thing going on. People come around, and they keep on coming around and they keep telling friends, and it's this cute little hardcore unit—

MA: A movement?

Lourds: Yes! A movement! Feels like a movement!

MA: Much healthier than a cult!

Lourds: It feels good.

MA: It feels like a community. That's really what it's like, a community. And that's what people in this age should have, because we live in a really shallow age, a shallow, unconnected age.

Lourds: I know, and it feels great, because I get this eclectic group of people, of all ages and all these sexualities, and all these demographics of people coming together at my shows, and they're like, "Hey, how you doing?! Good to see you again!" And they're all bonding and hanging out, and they come to almost every show. And that's really awesome. And it's not just here in New York. It seems to be wherever I go, in this country or in Canada. You know, I think that's so awesome, and I love that it's happening really organically.

MA: It's not mass-marketed, produced, and advertised.

Lourds: It's not the corporate machine that's promoting it. It's no one saying from above "You have to do it this way, this is the way we want you to get out there. This is how we see you." I'm calling the shots and doing it my way. It's working, and I love that. I love that, that organic thing. I'm not saying I wouldn't like the help of somebody huge, or some people that are huge, but I'd like to keep my creative control. I'd like to keep the energy that I have amongst all the different people. It's like a family-a great beautiful family. Everyone's willing to do something to help out and keep it going and to build something great.

If I were to have any sort of major-label help, they'd have to have a heart and they'd need to have that same kind of "We're all a team" mentality, that cool, die-hard, and devoted energy that we have right now. The ironic thing, though, is just when I've swallowed the concept of "I love doing this on my own, I love the fact that I'm out there doing this on my own," that's exactly the point that the record companies are now coming around. When you just let it go, and tell yourself, "I'm just going to do it, I'm going to do music, I'm going to do what I do," and when you swallow that, and you love it every day, and every day, you live and you breathe and you chew the music, because that's what you do, that's exactly when people know that you're not desperate to sign, just sign, or get this or that, it's like you're going to do it no matter what, and people are going to just keep on coming no matter what. It's so funny, because I'm not going to say I was always like this. I mean, a few years back, I was like, "Oh, my gosh! Atlantic is in the audience! Oh, my gosh!" I mean, like maybe one A&R person.

MA: Everyone thinks about that at some time.

Lourds: And now the record companies come by all the time, especially recently.

MA: It's funny, because when I saw you, I remember thinking, "She's so fucking awesome, and she's one of those entertainers who should be hitting the record stores, she should be out there so people can listen to her, and unfortunately she's not a square peg in a square hole, she can't be easily labeled, I mean there's no easy label for her music, so she's gonna have a hard time getting signed." I'm glad there's actually a wide interest in your music. We need more good music, damn it!

Lourds: Thank you!

MA: And she's so humble!

Lourds: [laughs] So that's the thing, it's hard for me to fit into what the corporate world would want.

MA: Well, you have heart, real heart. Even the Monkees had heart. They were put together specifically to make money, but they still had something, they had heart. You have real heart, too, you need the help of small indie labels. But if you have enough of a movement, people will buy your stuff.

Lourds: I've sold over 12,000 copies on my own in the last few months, just show-by-show. And, truthfully, I'm cool with that. The thing is, the major labels, they want to compare you to somebody.

MA: But there's nobody like you. There's no other group of artists like yourself.

Lourds: They'll come to shows, and maybe it's because I haven't gotten the right person to a show, but they'll come down, and they'll say, "Who can I compare this to?" And they'll bring their other A&R buddy, and everyone will have their own favorite song, as opposed to that one single that stands out, that one good song that a lot of bands have. Everyone will be partial to different things. One person will say, "I really like 'I'm a Queen,' another will say, "I really like the 'Circus Song,' " another will say, "I really like 'Supergirl.' " And then, they'll go, "I don't know what to do with this," instead of saying, "Hey, this is great! Look at this, there are all these songs, and all these different people that like all these different songs, now that's great." But there's all these rules and regulations, and, like I said before, I'm not really good with rules and boxes. Don't try to put me in a box.

MA: You can just say, "Fuck off," because you don't need to sign.

Lourds: That's it: If I can just eke out a little bit of a living, I'll be making music, no matter what. The thing is that I didn't always have that attitude. Everybody thinks it's all about big stadiums and a big rock 'n' roll thing, being a rock star, they think of the rock 'n' roll dream. You know, everyone thinks about that, but truthfully, I like the slow build, and I like to feel like it's all better for me as a person because, as it is, at times it gets overwhelming. I'll be in another state or another country, and people know who I am, and they'll bombard me and it feels all weird. You know, I don't really know if I want to aim for fame. I don't think that I should ever aim for fame. I would like to have enough money to get by, to not have to struggle to pay rent, to eke out a living-that would be great. I would be able to pay my band, you know? Other than that, it would be great to get some help, and I'm not going to turn it down, but I'd really love it to be in the right way, with the right heart, with the right energy, and with full belief in what I'm doing. Let me be who I am. Don't say, "You really need to make this sound like Jewel in order for this to work out."

MA: That won't work. You won't sound like you.

Lourds: Exactly, instead of just saying, "You know what, let's just do it. Let's not think about it, let's just do it," they don't think that way. It's unfortunate, but that's fine. Whatever happens, will happen, and whether I get to play those big rock 'n' roll stadiums and live the rock 'n' roll dream, you know-

MA: Honestly, I think you'd be the same person. You'd still eat at Rosario's pizza, by Arlene Grocery.

Lourds: This is my home, it's true. And you know what, I really believe I'm living the rock 'n' roll dream already. Right this very second, I'm living the rock 'n' roll dream. Because, you know, it's all about struggle, and it's all about that constant reach, and maybe not getting it, but touching it just enough that you taste it, and feeling great about that. Because, you know, maybe it's not about grabbing it. It's about constantly reaching and constantly looking beyond and constantly growing. Not about, "Enough, I got it." I was an overachiever; I still am an overachiever. When I was younger, I would aim for whatever and I would get it, whatever it was, only because I said I'd get that. But you know what? Every time I got the goal, it wasn't satisfying. So now I've learned to enjoy the day, to enjoy the success, and the rain on my body, and enjoy walking to Rosario's Pizza and looking around and seeing my beautiful East Village. And that's what it's all about, and to put that into song and to enjoy the process, because getting the goal isn't all that it's cracked up to be.

MA: So, getting there is half the fun?

Lourds: It's more than half the fun. It's everything.

Next: "It's the little things in life that give me the greatest joy."