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You
spend so much time in your office, people assume that you work from
home. Your parents wrote out their will and left everything to their
sole surviving heir—the dog. But at least you eat three square
meals a day—or, at least, that's the shape of the take-out
containers they come in.
Congratulations!
You're a card-carrying member of the rat race. If you are one of
the legions of suckers who've sold their souls to corporate America,
then chances are that your mating options are limited to three cubicles
down, and one row over. But fishing off the company pier can be
tricky in this litigious age, and dating your boss, while undeniably
kinky, can land you in some rough waters. Of course it's not your
fault if evil forces in the universe thought it would be funny to
give the one person in your office with personality, looks, and
a great sense of humor the corner office and keys to the executive
washroom. There's no reason why you should suffer. There is every
reason why you should be smart. Having once upon a time dated my
own boss, I offer to you these simple guidelines to keeping yourself
from getting hooked and gutted.
1.)
Is it your heart knocking. . . or opportunity?
You
worked late on an important project together. Long hours, and close
space. Did you realize how much you have in common? Or did you realize
how much this person could do for your career? If you look at this
person and think, "stepping stone" instead of "stepping
out," then think again. First of all, they might develop real
feelings for you, and it's pretty scummy to pretend you have feelings
for someone when you're just using them for personal gain.
Second,
if you're a woman, then your fellow over-worked, under-paid sisters
who bust their asses to break the glass ceiling must be very proud
of you! I'll bet they didn't know whoring could pay so well! Of
course, if you're a man, it's even more pathetic, considering that
men have been holding most, if not all, of the business cards since
day one. Third, if you get found out, not only will you be the Monica
Lewinski of corporate business, but the stigma could follow you
to a new job. Your co-workers will have no respect for you, and
hell hath no fury like a boss used for advancement. They won't appreciate
being manipulated, and you won't appreciate the living hell they
can make your work environment.
2.)
Goldfish pond. . . or shark-infested waters?
How
mellow is your workplace? Will people respect your privacy, or will
they use every opportunity to embarrass you and create an issue
where there is none? More over, even in the best of circumstances,
you cannot be too discreet. Don't give your friends a reason to
doubt you, and don't give your enemies anything they can use against
you.
3.)
Whose boss is it, anyway?
Is
it your immediate supervisor, or does this person supervise a different
department? How often do your departments interact on projects?
Are you planning to transfer to that department? The more floors
and departments between you, the less likely it is that any accusations
of impropriety will come back to bite you on the ass. It also keeps
the backlash to a minimum if the romance ends badly.
4.)
Pier closed!
This
renders all other considerations moot. What is your company's employee
interaction policy? Some companies, generally small businesses,
don't have any kind of policy at all, and simply deal with each
situation as it arises. Other companies, usually larger corporations,
have very strict policies that prohibit any and all romantic interaction
between co-workers, and can often have very harsh penalties. Interestingly
enough, the main reason why companies have such policies is not
because of sexual harassment, but because romantic entanglement
and/or squabbling in the workplace can cause distractions and problems
with office morale and can lead to high turnover and poor productivity.
[Perhaps in the future, they'll put saltpeter in the water coolers
—ed.]
So
remember, love is tricky enough with out any other complications.
One wrong step, and you could get hung out to dry.
About
the writer: Alexandra Prats has lived a really interesting life.
Maybe she'll tell you about it sometime
Share
your office gossip with us! Write to editor@corporatemofo.com.
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